WALKING THE HALLS (OF CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL)

Look at me, walking outside of my body.

I try to name it: “FEAR,”

hoping once acknowledged, it will leave.

But fear is brilliant—and a jerk.

It doesn’t care if I name it or not.

It has all the time in the world

to question, to imagine, to shatter

PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.

It knows each crack and entry-point.

When I run into the bathroom to hide

it fogs up the mirrors with panic, so

I keep walking,—if you can call it that.

I keep moving—

until my body has driven itself home,

which no longer seems like home.

I keep not knowing what to do—

and find myself in a bathroom, again.

I lift a ridiculous lipstick to the mirror

and I begin to write.

(Saskia Kidd, Summer 2012 )

Dedicated to my brave and inspiring son.

And to all people living with chronic illness day after day;

often invisibly so.